I dread speaking publicly.
I can speak with a decent volume (even though it may not be dynamic), but the flow of content is often choppy. In the past, I blank out in the middle of speaking and proceed to say something very generic or butchered. I would stutter, say words that don't fit into the sentence or just be silent. One time, during Bible study, I was sharing something and I blanked out, stopped talking and everyone sat there in awkward silence.
Today, I was assigned to say thanksgiving grace in front of the congregation and I was nervous. In the past, I would wing it, write stuff down or repeatedly run through it in my head. I usually like to say something unique. However, this time I took a different approach.
During the sermon, I was preoccupied with what I would say; I forced myself to pay attention to the sermon. During the final prayer, I prayed about saying grace. I told God that I was nervous because I am a terrible public speaker. But, why was I nervous? The answer was obvious: I didn't want to look incompetent in front of the congregation. I had the wrong mentality, so there's no way God will work through me. I was doing this for myself, instead of doing it for God. So, I asked God to clear my mind. I told God that I was not going to do this for myself, but I will do this only to glorify God, to serve God. All God wants is sincerity. I must be sincerely thanking God; anything less is a worthless offering. I asked God to erase everything I've been thinking about and that I will solely rely on Him to sincerely give thanks to Him.
For the rest of prayer, I prayed about other things. Prayer ended. I grabbed a seat hidden in the corner in the front. I stopped thinking about what I would say. Announcements were quick. Then, it was time for me to go up. Brother Jordan stood there to interpret into Chinese. So, I started speaking. Generally, I believe I said what most others would say, but thank God, I was able to be sincere about each statement, being thankful for the warmth, the food, the sermon, the love of the "servants," the Sabbath rest. And, by God's grace, I did not stutter, have awkward silences or have an awkward combination of words..I think. =)
God taught me a lesson through this experience.
- I need to be sincere when I speak, whether I'm saying thanksgiving grace, sharing something during a Bible study, talking to other brothers and sisters, teaching the RE students, adding insight to a discussion or (hopefully, one day) speaking on the pulpit. Deep down inside, you must truly believe and ideally, have experienced, what you say.
- Additionally, when doing any sort of work for God, it must solely be for Him and not to feed my pride.
- I must rely on Him to finish the work.
Overall, today was a great and much-needed Sabbath. Good sermons, good prayers, good fellowship.
May all glory be to God, always.
May all glory be to God, always.
